1 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,260 Look at this! 2 00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:14,810 music ah it makes you want to just let go yeah 3 00:01:14,810 --> 00:01:19,870 come on baby come on baby let's move it i 4 00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:34,410 gotta 5 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,070 shake my shoulder 6 00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:39,310 I gotta move my bones. 7 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:42,810 I gotta keep on moving. 8 00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:46,030 Long as my motor runs. 9 00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:50,330 I can't jump and stomp my feet. 10 00:01:50,590 --> 00:01:54,010 Blame it on the rhythm and the disco beat. 11 00:01:54,230 --> 00:01:58,750 I get loose, let out my shoes. 12 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,840 I know it's really crowded. 13 00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:27,760 Come on and join us. 14 00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:39,380 Oh, I'm so fed up with people picking on me. 15 00:03:47,340 --> 00:03:49,280 Oh, my relief. 16 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,980 How's that? 17 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:55,180 All right? 18 00:03:56,260 --> 00:04:01,400 People do pick on you, don't they? All the time. And my wife picks on me. 19 00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:05,880 I mean, she said to me, you never take me out. So I said, all right, get ready. 20 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:10,940 So she goes upstairs about five, and about ten o 'clock I get worried. 21 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,380 I hadn't heard from her. 22 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:19,700 So I go upstairs in the bedroom, and she's walking about with nothing on but 23 00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:20,700 pair of football boots. 24 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,600 And she said, I've got nothing to wear. 25 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:32,680 And I said, all right. So I went in the next night, I said, and she takes hours 26 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,680 to get ready. 27 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:35,580 Hours. 28 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,280 Oh, dear, oh, dear. 29 00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:42,160 And I said, I've got two tickets to see the King and I. 30 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,380 She said, I won't be ready. 31 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,060 I said, it's all right, it's tomorrow night. 32 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,920 It's like a fellow, everybody picks on people. A fellow went into a pub, a 33 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,000 little fellow, about five foot. 34 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,720 I got back to James King. 35 00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:03,380 Okay. 36 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,370 That was good, wasn't it? 37 00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:07,570 I do a lot of impressions. 38 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:08,890 A lot of them. 39 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,790 I'll do this. It's a quick one before I do that. 40 00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:14,670 Listen to this. You're the first to hear this. 41 00:05:14,910 --> 00:05:15,910 Very first. 42 00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:17,650 Hello, Tommy, how are you? 43 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:19,970 What do you think? 44 00:05:22,630 --> 00:05:23,790 Now, be honest. What do you think? 45 00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:27,370 What? Great. 46 00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:30,650 Thank you. 47 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:33,490 You don't know who it is, do you? 48 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:35,640 He's my milkman. 49 00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,840 I'll give you another one, another quick one. 50 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,720 You've heard of that wonderful film star Gregory Peck? 51 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:46,940 No, Gregory Peck. 52 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,580 I've had my nose fixed so my teeth don't work. 53 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:58,440 Gregory Peck. I'd like to give my impression now of Gregory Peck's father. 54 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,280 Hello, son. 55 00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:09,170 Do you know, my feet are killing me. 56 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:13,430 You know, every night when I'm lying in bed, they get me around the throat like 57 00:06:13,430 --> 00:06:14,430 that. 58 00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:15,950 And they're trying to strangle me. 59 00:06:19,290 --> 00:06:21,110 You can see the toe marks there, if you look. 60 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:27,330 And I'm lying in bed one night, and I was just like that, lying like that, 61 00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:28,330 you do. 62 00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:32,410 And I thought to myself, I don't like this. 63 00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:35,630 You do, don't you? 64 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:40,040 So I thought, I'll go to the other side. So I went over like that. 65 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,960 And I'm like that, and I thought to myself, I think the other side's better. 66 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,380 So I went back in. 67 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:57,080 And my wife had just run over here and put it under the bed. 68 00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:02,780 And then she said to me, the front door's bolted. 69 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,200 I said, well, I can't get it far, can I? 70 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,460 I'll get it in the morning. 71 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,240 Here's another joke. 72 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,600 Two Chinamen, see? 73 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,820 And they're talking. You'll like this. 74 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,560 Two Chinamen talking to each other. One says... 75 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,440 Oh, this is funny. 76 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:43,980 And the other one said... 77 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:48,020 I 78 00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:54,840 thought you'd 79 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:55,840 like it. 80 00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:58,899 Now, 81 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:05,600 these 82 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,740 rings will drop apart. 83 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,120 in front of your very eyes. 84 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:29,400 And now, a bovage. 85 00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:38,710 They were drawn apart in front of me. 86 00:08:46,030 --> 00:08:46,430 And 87 00:08:46,430 --> 00:09:04,170 this 88 00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:06,130 week's guest, Sheba. 89 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,200 10 ,000 strong in yonder valley, queuing up at the aunt's valley. 90 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,120 We'll rout them whilst they're at their ease and quickly bring them to their 91 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,120 knees. 92 00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:56,240 Aye, brave yeoman, strong and true. 93 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,560 Against 10 ,000! 94 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,880 With sword and pike we'll fight their tanks. 95 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:06,840 Tanks? 96 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,640 With stealth and speed we'll cut their flanks. 97 00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:17,880 With bows and arrows we're down their plains and rush them as their spirit 98 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,520 wanes. Rush them? 99 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,900 But first we plan a subtlety to gain our chance of victory. 100 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:31,280 One of you will go down there right into that lion's lair and against two lords 101 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,200 we'll fight until he finds their king who he will kill. 102 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:40,040 He'll stab him twice, then four times more, and then with hands of blood. 103 00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:44,130 lots of gore. 104 00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,330 Here, chop his head off without a quiver. 105 00:13:46,810 --> 00:13:49,170 Then cut his heart out and then his liver. 106 00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,130 I like liver. I'm very fond of it. 107 00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:53,090 No, I do. I like liver. 108 00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:56,370 I like, I like, I like, I do like liver. 109 00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:59,970 Then chop his toes off one by one. 110 00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,930 And then his fingers. Oh, what fun! 111 00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,430 Oh, 112 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,330 fun. That's fun. What fun. 113 00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:08,930 And so I seek a volunteer. 114 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:11,290 A brave young buck, full of cheer. 115 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,840 A man of courage, stout and true. 116 00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:25,320 With two good eyes to see him through. 117 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:35,480 A yeoman British to the core, ready to fight in any war. 118 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,180 With a strong right arm. 119 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:44,720 Clean -cut face. 120 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:50,580 Which one do I choose? 121 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,360 Deary me. 122 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:57,700 What say you? 123 00:14:58,660 --> 00:14:59,660 Is it all in me? 124 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,200 Yeah, yeah. 125 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,480 Oh, brave of heart. 126 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,860 A last request? A verbal gem? 127 00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:12,140 I surprise you. I belong to them. 128 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,600 He said to the dog, speak, boy, speak. 129 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,280 And the dog said, what shall I say? 130 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,700 Two dogs talking. One said to the other, he said, have you done the pools this 131 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:39,700 week? 132 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:44,140 And the other one said, no, I missed the post. 133 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,560 I'll give you another one. I like to give you my impression of it. 134 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:00,000 A married couple on holiday in Paris, and they went to the Alfa Tower. 135 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,980 Now, you know, you can get to the top either by a lift or by walking the Spire 136 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:05,980 Staircase. 137 00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:11,660 Now, the husband wants to get the lift up, but the wife wants to walk up. Get 138 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:12,539 the idea? 139 00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:15,280 So this is it. The pay box is there. So it goes like that. 140 00:16:55,939 --> 00:16:56,939 Thank you. 141 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:30,370 Smile. Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Doyle. 142 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,890 Do you want to hear what everybody says? 143 00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:36,750 Down our street. 144 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:41,350 Strangers there, they end up dead. Down our street. 145 00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:44,310 Now the mammy and the daddy and the gang got loose. 146 00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,490 They all went out on the booth. 147 00:17:47,450 --> 00:17:50,090 There were skin and whiskers flying loose. 148 00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:51,790 Down our street. 149 00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,790 A policeman once he hit me dad. 150 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:57,610 Down our street. 151 00:17:57,850 --> 00:18:00,450 Said me dad there'll be a funeral lad. 152 00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,210 Down our street. 153 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:07,070 They took off the coat of the pipe one round. And when me dad got off the 154 00:18:07,070 --> 00:18:08,070 ground. 155 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,800 The policeman's nose was all it found. 156 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,620 Down our street. 157 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,920 Down our street. 158 00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:21,660 Down our street. There are married men and women there, dancing mad in the 159 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,660 midnight air. 160 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,900 There are lots of jawbones broken. Where? 161 00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:27,600 Down our street. 162 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,020 Our purchase man does a very good trade. 163 00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:35,720 Down our street. 164 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,620 Every booger's bought, but no one's paid. 165 00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:40,440 Down the street. 166 00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:47,040 And when he tries to collect a few pounds, he says before he hits the 167 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,200 was built in a graveyard of our own. 168 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,880 Down the street. 169 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,040 The Salvation Band came around last night. 170 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,760 Down the street. 171 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,660 And they were trying to teach us wrong from right. 172 00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:01,360 Down the street. 173 00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:06,630 And when the sister began to moan, the captain spoke in a muffled tone. 174 00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:10,050 He was hit on the head by a big ham bone. 175 00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:17,270 Down our street, down our street, down our street. There 176 00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:21,730 are married men and women there, dancing mad in the midnight air. 177 00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:25,050 There are lots of jawbones broken. Where? 178 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,440 There are 179 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:49,760 married 180 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:56,640 men and 181 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,860 women there, dancing mad in the midnight air. 182 00:20:00,750 --> 00:20:03,170 There are lots of jawbones broken where? 183 00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,430 Down our streets. 184 00:20:07,050 --> 00:20:08,090 Sad verse. 185 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:14,090 Now the winters there get bloody cold down our streets. 186 00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:20,750 So we burn the floorboards because we got no coal down our streets. 187 00:20:21,610 --> 00:20:28,510 And when the larder it get there, they say the tomcats taste like 188 00:20:28,510 --> 00:20:29,510 hair. 189 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:36,940 The outstations all walk round in pairs down our street, down our street, 190 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:43,460 down our street. There are married men and women there dancing mad in the 191 00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,460 midnight air. 192 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:47,540 There are lots of jawbones broken where? 193 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:06,640 very famous trick here. 194 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,100 Every box, you can see right through, was a place down there like that. 195 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,520 Now, what I'm going to do, I'm going to produce with the aid of this magic wand. 196 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:18,840 Magic wand. 197 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,280 It's mystic. 198 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,520 Mystic. 199 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,040 Clever. 200 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,400 Mystic. Get it? 201 00:21:33,830 --> 00:21:39,050 I will produce all wonderful things, all wonderful things from the deadly box. 202 00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:41,750 I will now tap the table twice. 203 00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:51,790 Right. Now, I get this pack of cards when I spring into the box like that. 204 00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:55,170 Tap the table again twice. 205 00:22:00,330 --> 00:22:02,010 You don't have to tap back. 206 00:22:06,930 --> 00:22:08,070 Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle. 207 00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:14,350 I love the tradition of the zephyr box. 208 00:22:15,410 --> 00:22:17,990 Without looking into the box. Without looking. 209 00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:20,210 The four of spades. 210 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,170 Now you give me the four of spades. 211 00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:28,350 That's three -fourths. 212 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,700 I will now produce a cage of parrots. 213 00:22:33,740 --> 00:22:39,360 A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage 214 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:45,720 of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of 215 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:46,280 parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of 216 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:51,860 parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. A cage of parrots. 217 00:22:52,220 --> 00:22:56,300 Two lovely doves. 218 00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:02,860 That's two dozen gloves. 219 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:09,980 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will now produce from this empty box a large 220 00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:11,440 plate of grapes. 221 00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:15,740 A large plate of grapes. 222 00:23:19,340 --> 00:23:20,340 Wake up. 223 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,400 A large plate of grapes. 224 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,060 What's that moving about? 225 00:23:26,980 --> 00:23:29,580 Sit. Kneel. Sit. Kneel. 226 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,100 A large... 227 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:32,320 Hey, the grapes!